This article will present the so helpful Circle of Security visual for the young children. Although the concept also works for older children. It visually sums up the parent and child relationship, as the adult/parent supports the child’s needs for healthy childhood development, to support a secure attachment, and build the foundation for the child’s mental wellbeing.

Circle of Security visual

Circle of Security is a parenting course based on attachment theory. They created a visual to sum up parenting that supports our children’s needs by nurturing a secure attachment, emotional resilience, and freedom to explore.

Think of a time when you and your child are at a playground as way of an example:

• We will start from the hands which represent the adult/parent in the child’s life. The parent provides a secure base. (Child feels/knows that parent is a secure base from a strong relationship that adult and child have built over the years.)
• Once the child’s bucket is full and child is regulated/homeostatis/in balance, child is ready to explore and venture away from the parent. (Child is happy.)
• At this time of exploration, child needs the parent to support their exploration. (So watching at a distance, without hovering/smothering them.)
• While child is engaging in activities by self, child needs to know that parent is watching over him/her, delighting in him/her, helping him/her, enjoying with him/her. (Being present with children instead of being absorbed in our phones – we might notice them looking up from what they are doing and glancing at us to check our verbal and non-verbal cues. Talking positively about child instead of pointing out the behaviours that we do not like. Not being over-protected – allowing for safety but not over-reacting.)
• Child now needs you to welcome him/her back to you. Their bucket is empty now, and they need you to help fill it up. (It could be that they are hungry, tired, maybe fell down, or just need some recharging/reassurance.)
• Child comes to parent – their safe haven for protection, comfort, delight in child, organise child’s feelings. (Child feels/knows through past experience that parent is that safe haven that they need to make them feel better again. Parent provides labelling of the emotions, validation, emotional support and physical support, as child is not able to regulate by self.)
• Once this circle is complete, child would be ready to go off again.

This beautiful illustration shows how our children’s needs change, and how we as parents can support their needs. The example is of a child at a playground, but it could be anywhere – child attending a party, an event at the library, etc.

• Also at the bottom right hand corner there is how children need us parents to always be “bigger, stronger, wiser & kind” – we are adults in the relationship to whom our children look up to.
• Whenever possible to follow our children’s needs – which reminds me of the Montessori philosophy of the importance of observing the child and preparing the environment (the environment could be attending to our child’s needs including emotion regulation).
• Whenever necessary to take charge – children need us adults to take charge, we are the parent in the relationship and children need that sense of security that we can set boundaries for them and help them regulate when necessary.

How does this align with a Christian Worldview

How interesting that Circle of Security put two hands to reflect a secure base and a safe haven. It reminds me so much of God the Father who is always there with open welcoming hands for us to go to Him when we need to, and He is always there to receive us. Psalm 121:7-8 speaks of a God who protects us from all evil, and who will guard our going out and coming in both now and forever. Same as our children need us parents to be there for them and support their ‘going out and coming in’ as illustrated in the Circle of Security circle.

Recommendations

• Observe your child to see how they play out the Circle of Security circle. How can you be more ‘bigger, stronger, wiser & kind’? How can you navigate this circle of security better for you and your child?
• Book: Raising a Secure Child: How Circle of Security parenting can help you nurture your child’s attachment, emotional resilience, and freedom to explore by Kent Hoffman, Glen Cooper & Bert Powell

Got some insights? Would love to read your comment below…

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Greetings! I’m Claire, a Child & Family Therapist, Educator and Founder at myCaRE&CO; supporting Christian families with their 6 to 12 year old child’s challenging behaviours. Thank you for taking up your time to read this article, and hope that you found it useful to answering your questions.

Would you like more support, maybe more personalised to your situation? Check out myCaRE&CO’s services and e-mail me directly at info@mycareandco.com. You can also schedule a free ‘discovery call’ to discuss your child’s and family’s needs and goals. 

Claire Esikalam MSW, RSW, B.Ed. (Hons.) Child & Family Therapist, Educator and Founder at myCaRE&CO.

www.myCareandCo.com

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