When I was teaching I had 2 children in my class. One, whom we will call Oscar, had diabetes at a young age, and he quickly learnt how to use this diagnosis in his favour. “I will only do one page of work instead of three, because I have diabetes.” I had studied the works of Rudolf Dreikurs and Adlerian Psychology, and these strategies worked perfectly with him. We embarked on a journey of logical and natural consequences, and I managed to get him under my wing, where we connected, he co-operated, and we worked in harmony.

The other child, whom we will call Tyson, was a different story. He had challenging behaviours same as Oscar did. Tyson would one moment cry and another moment get so angry and lash out. I was perplexed with his behaviours and tried using consequences with him. This did not work. After years of further studies, I know that Tyson was hurting. He had things going on at home, and his nervous system was reacting. The behaviours were just symptoms of his reacting nervous system. He did not need consequences, and instead needed nurture, guidance, connection and a safe secure base. He needed someone to connect with his nervous system and not ‘correct’ and ‘manage’ his behaviours.

These children like Tyson left me wanting to learn more. I studied social work and worked with children in the foster care system. I was seeing how many Tysons were struggling, and the solutions/treatments that were provided to them and their families were not working, as they were targeting the behaviours and not the nervous system. I furthered my studies and worked at a walk-in clinic as a mental health therapist and saw how we failed some children, which resulted in quite a bit of mental health challenges.

I continued searching for answers how to reach these ‘hurting’ children, and honed in on child development, infant and child mental health, attachment theory, neuroscience and relational approach. Research* keeps proving how children, who are raised in homes where they are emotionally connected and understood, have better prospects. And yet, caring for children who are acting-out can cause a big strain on families who might not have the information and skills that they need and deserve.
* Sroufe, A. & Siegel, D. (2011). The verdict is in: The case for attachment theory. Psychotherapy Networker.

I started myCaRE&CO because I want to reach more Oscars and more Tysons and their families. I want to partner with parents and caregivers so that together we can support these children so that they feel understood, safe, and cared for in ways that sets them up for success. In my work, I serve Christian families who are struggling with their 6 to 12 year old children’s behaviours, by providing evidence-based research and tools that align with a Christian worldview and focusing on the attachment/connection between the child and parents/caregivers, to bring transformation and peaceful homes.

I support children and the families that God purposefully chose for them by:

~ working with you the parent/caregiver to understand you as a person (and later we will have insights how this is transferring to your parenting/family) – what makes you worried, what are your triggers, what are your goals for your children/family, what has been working well, what are you finding challenging,…

~ you will learn ways of caring for and supporting your child (this is unique to what works for your family) – what is the temperament of your child, what is going on in your child’s brain and developmentally, what is your child’s behaviour telling us, what does your child need from you,… 

Areas of speciality

Attachment & Trauma
Child & Family Therapy*
Parenting
Adoptive & Foster Family Issues
School Issues

*I use the family-systems approach, where the child is understood within the context in which they function – the family and in some aspects the school. The family-systems approach focuses on working to change relationship patterns. We note that the behaviour of each family member serves as both a response and a trigger for one another. And these ongoing patterns of interactions within the family, maintain the status quo of the behaviours and symptoms of family members. In the book, Healing Parents, the authors refer to the modification of family dynamics as, “change the dance, change the child” (Orlans & Levy, 2006). For this reason, my work focuses on family-systems approach. I do not do individual child sessions as this approach often does not work, and can backfire as the child views himself/herself as the problem that needs to be fixed and is not supported within the child’s family unit.

I also include a Christian worldview perspective, as it adds another layer of hope and relational approach.