Your child might be experiencing behavioural challenges that might make you feel at a loss. You might be wondering about parent or family coaching to help your child and your family. However, you might not be sure if this would benefit your child and situation. In this article, I will discuss how parent coaching works, how is it different from therapy, some different coaching techniques, the benefits, and some goals that you can work on.

What is parent or family coaching?

Sometimes, you as a parent or caregiver feel that your family is not functioning as well as you envisioned, and you could use some professional support. A parent or family coach would usually work with you around goals related to parenting, child’s struggles, and family function, such as emotional outbursts, navigating school issues, or improving communication. A coach would tailor sessions according to your individual needs, and walks alongside you as you and your family learn new approaches, to add to what is already working well within your family.

Why consider parent or family coaching?

You might be hesitant about why or how a coach will help you and your family. Each child is different, and every situation is unique. A parent coach helps you understand your child better and offers insights based on your specific struggles. Sometimes speaking to a coach about your situation and getting a different professional perspective, helps to give you a clear direction for when things get tough.

What are some goals that can be worked on?

There are many benefits to working with a parent coach. Think of a parent or family coach as a guide to help you navigate your parenting journey. Goals are personalised to your unique needs and agreed with your coach, but here are a few examples.

1. Support to navigate your child’s mental health

As a parent/caregiver you will feel more knowledgeable about your child’s mental health, and feel more comfortable in supporting your child.

2. Support to navigate your child’s developmental needs

Sometimes when we are in the midst of parenting, we need some guidance as to whether this is behavioural challenges or just normal developmental stage of your child. You’ll learn practical strategies that will support your child’s unique temperament, personality and needs.

3. Strengthening family relationships by improving communication

With better communication and understanding, family ties can strengthen. You’ll learn the art of communication, so that every family member feels valued and supported.

4. Strengthening family relationships by improving parenting strategies

As a family, you will learn practical techniques and strategies that empower you to respond to various situations effectively. It’s about enhancing your skills, and building upon what is already working well. A coach would help you recognise your strengths as a parent/caregiver, which helps to boost your self-esteem. This level of confidence is important too in your parenting journey, especially when you encounter challenges.

5. Strengthening family relationships by improving family function

The coach would be able to work with the whole family to improve the cohesion of the family. You’ll learn how to identify any gaps, and apply new approaches to build more connection.

What are some common issues that parenting or family coaching can help with?

1. General behavioural concerns

Some examples are not doing chores, answering back, banging doors, etc. Discipline (not punishment) is about working with your child to set boundaries and consequences in place that are agreed upon beforehand. A parent coach will work with you to create effective and scientific-based discipline strategies that resonate with your family’s values.

2. Screen time issues

A lot of children (and adults for that matter) are addicted to screens. A parent coach will work with you to find ways to understand the harm of too much screen, to navigate the limits of screen time, and find alternative healthy options to replace excessive screen time.

3. School concerns

Some examples, are bullying, not doing tasks, not having friends, stress. This can be quite challenging to work with, as there is the school unit involved too. A parent coach will support you to navigate the school, to support your child, and to come up with strategies that will help your child.

4. Navigating your child’s unique needs

Perhaps your child has learning needs (dyslexia) or has received a diagnosis (Autism Spectrum Disorder, ADHD, anxiety). A parent coach would support you the adult to understand what these needs are, and in turn how to best support your child. It’s about learning how to work with your child’s unique needs and strengths.

5. Navigating life transitions

Life is full of changes—new schools, separation/divorce, death, new family member (new baby, adoption, fostering), moving to a new home, one family member away for a long period of time (forced separation – away from country due to immigration, incarceration). A parent coach helps the family understand how the child is impacted by this new life transition, and how to best support the child. This helps to ease these transitions, and helps your family to adjust as best as can be, while maintaining a supportive environment.

6. Navigating difficult conversations with your child

Some parents/caregivers need some extra support of how to talk to their child about topics like sex, adoption, identity, death. A parent coach can work with parents/caregivers to guide them how best to approach these sensitive topics.

7. Communication breakdown

Have you ever felt like you’re speaking different languages with your child? A parent coach can guide you in fine-tuning those communication skills. This helps foster understanding and builds a stronger emotional connection.

8. Supporting a child who is fostered or adopted

Children who are fostered or adopted usually have some unique needs. A parent coach can support the parents/caregivers to navigate these needs. Such as any challenging history that is impacting child now, navigating conversations with child about their family of origin, navigating openness.

9. Supporting a child who has experienced abuse, trauma, witnessed domestic violence

A child might be exhibiting behaviours and emotions that are surprising. A parent coach can help parents/caregivers understand how trauma can impact the body’s nervous system, and evidence-based approaches to support your child.

10. Supporting a child who has a sibling or parent/caregiver who has experienced a medical event.

Some examples could be cancer treatment, suicide attempt, hospitalisation. Some children might hide their emotions around this, and as adults we think that they are fine. However, their behaviours might tell us otherwise. A parent coach can support parents/caregivers how to have the conversations with your child, identifying any new behaviours, and evidence-based approaches of how to support your child.

11. Supporting a child around safety

How do you as a parent/caregiver teach your child about safety – body safety, safety from human trafficking, safety from sex trafficking, internet safety, safety from substance misuse, safety in the community? A parent coach can support you in this journey.

12. Supporting a child to navigate healthy relationships

Children are learning what healthy relationships look like as they progress through life. A parent coach can support you (the parent/caregiver) with information and tools to support your child. This helps you have those ongoing conversations with your child, and helps build self-confidence and self-esteem in your child.

13. Handling stress

Parenting and caregiver is stressful—there’s no denying that. A parent or family coach can help you find balance, manage your stress, and ensure that you’re mentally and emotionally available for your kids. Just like putting on your own oxygen mask first before helping others, caring for yourself is crucial.

What techniques are used in parent and family coaching?

While this is personal to your coach, usually some techniques used are:

1. Psychoeducation

Parents/caregivers are educated about the concern.

2. Strategies

New or alternative methods are presented and practised.

3. Support

Parents/caregivers are provided with a safe space, positive encouragement, feedback.

4. Skills

New skills (like communication, coping) are developed.

5. Collaboration

A family system is used to bring as many family members as possible to the table to improve the overall function of the family.

6. Anti-oppressive and cultural humility

The beliefs, customs and values of the family are honoured within a safe non-judgemental space.

7. Strength-based

Strengths are magnified and celebrated. Positivity and hope are nurtured.

8. Individuality and neurodivergent-affirming

Each family members is viewed as an individual with unique needs and strengths, who develops on their own time-line, and where diversity is welcomed.

9. Connection

Parent/caregivers can be connected with outside support groups or resources for long-term ongoing support.

How is coaching different from therapy?

This is a good question that you have! I will try to answer as best as I can, although keep in mind that each coach and each therapist can work differently.

With parent or family coaching, the goals are usually very specific to one aspect of the whole picture. Additionally, the focus is usually on education/new understanding, alternate strategies/tools, and empowerment. Sometimes coaching can be done alongside family therapy (with a different professional), and here coaching might have more of a clinical lens. So for instance, if in therapy the family is working on the child’s depression and suicidal ideation, in coaching it would be education about depression, supporting the family with their questions around depression and suicidal ideation and how they can hold space for their child, empowering the family so that they can feel more confident to know how to support their child.

With therapy, the goals are usually more ‘treatment’ oriented. Usually working with the family around a diagnosis, or trauma work, or intense emotion dysregulation. For instance, therapy would be working on the symptoms of trauma such as disassociation, flashbacks, whereas coaching goals would be more about strategies to manage everyday life.

How does parent coaching help with my child’s behaviours?

Most of the concerns (listed above) that parent or family coaching will address, are behavioural-symptoms.

So for instance, in the case of ‘Life Transitions”, we would notice that the child is behaving different than normal. Child might be more withdrawn, or more acting-out, or more aggressive, or more secretive, etc.

So parent or family coaching would indirectly address the child’s behaviours. Once the right approach is adopted, the behaviours would be transformed.

Most children show us their inner dysregulation through outward symptoms. We notice that their behaviour is not ‘right’. But the key is that instead of just addressing the behaviour, we also need to address the underlying symptoms. So as with the example above, we need to address their feelings around the family changes. For instance, with a new baby, how is the child feeling with the new baby? How can we support the child with their emotions?

Using a Christian perspective in parent coaching

Some parent or family coaches add a spiritual lens to the sessions. I personally use a Christian worldview perspective. The reason being that spirituality adds another dimension to the sessions and to the family’s life. For me, as a Christian and serving Christian families, I appreciate how Christianity adds a sense of hope, a sense of shared community, and resiliency – which is such an added strength for families and children.

How to find the right parent coach?

Choosing a parent coach can feel overwhelming and such a burden to choose the ‘right’ coach. While there isn’t the perfect coach, there are some things that you can look for. I would suggest looking for someone whose values align with yours and your family’s. Most coaches provide a free consultation, where you can ask questions and see if they are a right fit for your family and your needs.

Additionally, consider the coach’s experience and credentials. A background in psychology, social work, or education can be beneficial, giving them a solid foundation for their coaching practice.

Conclusion: take the leap!

Parenting is challenging and rewarding. It can also be a lonely road, and one where a lot of doubts about our parenting comes in and fears about our child’s behaviours. Parent or family coaching is about embracing the support you and your family deserve. In the quest to raise happy, healthy children, do not hesitate to seek help. It is not just about fixing problems; it’s about unlocking your full potential as a parent as you support your child. Remember, you are not alone. With a supportive and knowledgeable coach walking alongside you, you can navigate the ups and downs of parenting and your child’s behaviours, with confidence and change.

Got some insights? Would love to read your comment below…

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Greetings! I’m Claire, a Child & Family Therapist, Educator and Founder at myCaRE&CO; supporting Christian families with their 6 to 12 year old child’s behavioural challenges. Thank you for taking up your time to read this article, and hope that you found it useful to answering your questions.

Would you like more support, maybe more personalised to your situation? Check out myCaRE&CO’s services and e-mail me directly at info@mycareandco.com. You can also schedule a free ‘discovery call’ to discuss your child’s and family’s needs and goals. 

Claire Esikalam MSW, RSW, B.Ed. (Hons.) Child & Family Therapist, Educator and Founder at myCaRE&CO.

www.myCareandCo.com

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