Christian worldview parenting is also called grace-based parenting, and heart-based approach to parenting. In this article I am going to break down Christian worldview parenting – what it means, how it compares to secular parenting, what it is not, and how we can apply it to our parenting.

What is Christian worldview parenting?

• Christian worldview parenting is three fold. First, God tells us how to parent with scriptures about parenting – what God’s will and guidance for parents and their children is. Secondly, we can study relationships in the bible (how God interacts with the people in the Old Testament, how Jesus while on earth interacts with people and children, how God and Jesus’ relationship is) and have an idea of how our relationship with our children should look like. Thirdly, theology (our Christian beliefs such as the Ten Commandments) reflect how we should treat our children.
• Our role as parents is to point our children to the Lord as their Saviour, and make spiritual development a top priority. It does not guarantee that they will, as it is only God’s grace that moves our children’s faith. Humbly admitting our inability to deliver our children from the natural idolatry/sin of their hearts is not giving up as a parent. In contrast, this perspective lays the groundwork for effective, grace-based, Christ-centred, and heart-changing parenting to take life. In this way, we (since we are also sinners) have to allow God to reach our personal hearts and create our own transformation, so it would be easier for us to parent through a grace-based approach. Then, we rest in the Lord and let Him do His work in our children and reach their hearts, with the hope that they will follow Jesus.
• Christian worldview parenting is a framework based on God’s word (theology), training children in skills, training children in God’s word, discipleship, nurture, grace, and connection. However, within that framework/parameters, Christian worldview parenting is individualised by us, as parents, for our family and child’s unique needs and personalities. God has made our children unique, because He saw that that is good, and does not expect a cookie-cutter approach to parenting. In addition, God has given us, as parents, our own skills and spiritual gifts that He wants us to use to parent the children He has purposely placed within our family.
• It is also called a heart-based approach to parenting, since, as parents we are working on our children’s heart to create change – we are ‘parenting the heart’ so to say, and connecting with our children’s hearts. It is good to know that in this way, we are parenting for the long haul as heart transformation takes time.
• We don’t own our children, but they are gifts to us from God. They are His children, and He placed them within our family of faith according to His plans for them and us, as parents and as a family. He is a graceful loving Father, and would want us to take good care of His children, with love and grace. He wants us to respect them as unique individuals – made in God’s image. At the same time, He does not leave us alone to parent, but He is with us and gives us the skills, His guidance and strength, that we need to parent them.
• Along these lines, God is after the heart of our children. He wants them to surrender to Him, and be a new creation in Him (2 Corinthians 5:17). We as parents are to be a loving helper placed by a loving God in our children’s life, to reach God’s mission for our children. God will be faithful to give us opportunities to see and help our children to see how they are making bad choices. Hence, taking our children’s repeated bad choices, as windows of opportunities to have a conversation with them and help them ‘see’. It is worth noting that bad choices are a reflection of us as sinners, and how we have idols that progressively gain control of our lives, thoughts, feelings, values, desires. God is on a mission of rescue, and in His love and grace has appointed us as parents to be His representative on-site in the lives of our children to do this important work alongside Him.
• God gave us the Great Commission (Matthew 28:16-20), and our first mission field is our family/home. We are part of the Body of Christ – so Christian school, church, community, professionals all play a part in teaching and training our children. However, as parents we pull the heaviest weight in discipleship. At times, we tend to rely on the church or professionals, to train our children in God’s word, thinking that professionals or bible teachers know more and can do a better job than us parents. However, God’s message is different – He wants us, parents, to become skilled and equipped to disciple our children, and provides us with the right resources and tools (in the form of people, community, church, professionals) to partner with us and equip us to do the job and move spiritual development as a top priority.
• Our identity as parents is in the Lord, and not in our children. Sometimes we tend to want to control and push our children, and think that if our children are ‘successful’ it paints us parents as ‘good’. Our role is to encourage and create an environment (through discipleship) for our children to listen to the Lord for guidance to live according to His plan for their lives. Our children are made to find hope, meaning, life, and identity in God; they are made to surrender their life and natural gifts to Him – our role as parents is to support this.
• Christian worldview parenting is in line with scientific research and techniques such as in positive parenting, child development theory, and so on. The added piece in Christian worldview parenting is that since we are sinful in nature (we are born in Christ image and are compassionate, loving, merciful, etc., and yet also born in Adam’s image and make sinful choices), we can understand that even with the best parenting, the best consequences, our children will (and so do we adults) still make sinful choices. This leads us Christian parents to give meaning to our children’s ‘bad’ choices, and parent differently – as parents we are not working against our children, but for them. Hence, talking to our children about the consequences of their behaviour (and our behaviour too as adults since we are also sinners and make bad choices), as a grace-based discussion, versus a blaming and shaming.
  • I like this quote from Paul David Tripp’s book on Parenting: “Leading your children to confession is about having tender, patient, understanding, and insight-giving conversations with your children that are intended to get them to examine what they haven’t acknowledged and to begin to accept responsibility for the thoughts, desires, and choices that cause them to do what they do…. Leading your child to confession… is about wanting your children to experience the rescuing and transforming power of grace. It’s not “Do this and you’ll get this” parenting. It’s “You need help, and I’m here to help you” parenting. So you commit yourself to asking this questions day after day after day: “Where is God calling my children to own responsibility for their thoughts, desires, choices, and actions, without excuse or shifting the blame, and how can I help them do it?” (p. 160 – 161)
• Our children are also competing against cultural influences – they are battling their own sinful nature, but also original sin. In addition, their brain is not yet fully developed yet to think and act rationally. They need us with grace-based parenting.
• In line with this, being compassionate with ourselves as parenting is hard. It is comforting to know that God values parenting – it is a calling by God and the most important job/calling in the world. And yet God knows that it is hard, as He promises to walk with us parents and does not give us more than He believes we are capable of with His help. Moreover, God knows that we are also sinful, and does not expect us to be perfect parents. When a season is not working for our child, instead of being hard on ourselves, we have to keep asking ourselves how can we do things differently. Adding to this, I would encourage us to speak to our children when we make bad choices, how this impacts them/the family, and to apologise.

How does Christian worldview parenting compare/differ to secular parenting?

• Secular parenting tends to be prescriptive in the sense that at times the progression of techniques used and the expected outcomes can be quite rigid, without much deviation from the norm. This does not account to our sinful nature, that at times we act ‘outside what is considered normal’ to which Christianity has an explanation (sin) whereas secular parenting does not have an explanation to that.
• Cultural expectation nowadays is an obsession on ‘instant fixes’ and a guaranteed outcome. However, since Christian worldview parenting works on the heart, it is encouraging when we are in the midst of parenting, to keep in mind that we are parenting for the long haul since heart transformation takes times and not get discouraged by set backs. In addition, each one of our children is uniquely made by God, because He saw that that is good. In their own uniqueness, they need to be parented differently.
• Cultural norms tend to view ‘success’ in children, if they get a good job, if they respect others, if they complete their studies, if they get good grades, if they buy a house, etc. Secular parents parent with this drive in mind, and push their children towards this kind of ‘success’, at times to the detriment of the child’s wishes, skills (such as pushing child to be a doctor, as it is seen as a respectful career, and would bring joy and pride to the parent). However, Christian worldview parenting sees success as primarily listening and obeying God’s plans for their lives. It does not mean that as Christian parents/caregivers we are not happy when our children do well in school, or are respectful – but the ultimate goal is to encourage our children to live their life according to God’s plan, which is the best for them however that looks like.

What it is not?

• It is not about behaviour modification, such as punishments and rewards, but instead it is about providing nurture, guidance, discipline, grace to create internal motivation for change.
• It is not about authoritarian discipline – “you do this now and how I say, or else I will….”. People have historically quoted Proverbs 13:24 when they speak of ‘spare the rod and spoil the child’. However, authoritarian discipline does not align with scripture, as it paints God as controlling and gives no grace, mercy and love. However, Christian worldview parenting is about discipling our children in ways where our interactions with our children (what we say to them and what we do) gives them a picture of who God is – full of love, mercy, grace, forgiveness.

How we can apply a Christian worldview to our parenting?

I would start small, and slowly build so as not to get discouraged:

• As a parent we need to grow in the Lord. We need to have a personal relationship with God, so that our children can see this in us. Also God’s word changes us, and we can become better parents. I would encourage reading the bible daily to get to know who God is. I have been following the chronological Bible reading plan through the Bible Recap by Tara-Leigh Cobble on the YouVersion app (not an affiliate link or sponsored, but I have found that this added so much value in my personal life).
• Being intentional about your faith and introducing ‘God moments’ in your home. At times we tend to keep our faith personal, however I am encouraging you to express your faith in front of your children in everyday moments (Deuteronomy 6:5-9). Since we live busy lives (the expectation is not to do a 60 minutes Sunday school teaching in our homes, neither is it God’s will for parents), let’s weave discipleship in our normal everyday rhythms such as 3 minutes while in the car, or a 10 minute conversation at dinner. For instance, look at that sunset – God is great how He created nature, let us pray for the homeless person we just met so that God will provide, let us keep (so and so) in prayer as s/he is not a believer and for God to soften his/her heart, thank you Jesus for my family and our health, anointing with oil when our children are sick along with the medicine we give them.
• I would keep in mind that I am parenting through the fruits of the Spirit – love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control (Galations 5:22-23).
• I would choose a ‘mantra’ to say when I feel that I am getting triggered, anxious, overwhelmed, angry. Examples of mantras can be: I am a good parent, God chose me to be a parent to my child, God entrusted my child (His child) in my hands, God does not leave me alone in parenting – help me God, my child has a sinful nature and is still learning, it is ok to feel (angry) as I am a sinner too and God is with me to parent my child.
• Do repair work when necessary – if you feel that you acted wrong, find a quiet time afterwards to have a conversation with your child about how you feel that you acted sinful and also need a Saviour. Apologise how this action might have impacted your child. (Don’t remain in the guilt stage – pray about it and move on.) This is in line with God’s teachings on forgiveness.

Recommendations

For more in-depth reading on Christian theology concepts, I would recommend the book: Parenting: 14 gospel principles that can radically change your family by Paul David Tripp

A YouTube video that discusses biblical parenting with Dr Sarah Rainer

Got some insights? Would love to read your comment below…

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Greetings! I’m Claire, a Child & Family Therapist, Educator and Founder at myCaRE&CO; supporting Christian families with their 6 to 12 year old child’s challenging behaviours. Thank you for taking up your time to read this article, and hope that you found it useful to answering your questions.

Would you like more support, maybe more personalised to your situation? Check out myCaRE&CO’s services and e-mail me directly at info@mycareandco.com. You can also schedule a free ‘discovery call’ to discuss your child’s and family’s needs and goals. 

Claire Esikalam MSW, RSW, B.Ed. (Hons.) Child & Family Therapist, Educator and Founder at myCaRE&CO.

www.myCareandCo.com

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